Thursday, May 14, 2009

I Realize I'm a Filthy, Disgusting Pig-Person, But C'mon...

So I went to the nail salon tonight to get a pedicure. To say "it's been awhile" would be a gross understatement and an insult to the word "awhile." After my pregnancy, I had to have toe-surgery on both feet (don't ask, just know that pregnancy truly did screw up every square inch of my body, and my extremities are no exception) so I have not been allowed to paint my nails for about 6 months. Also, it's been winter, which means dry skin, and I have some serious hatred for feet in general (yes, even my own) so I don't pumice them or do any of that tomfoolery that other women do to keep their feet looking perfect all year. I could make excuses all day for the condition of my feet, but the truth is that they are jacked up, and in serious need of a pedi.

Hubs, Little Man, and I are leaving for North Carolina tomorrow morning for a cousin's wedding. I needed my pedi in a hurry so I went to a place that is close by (I've been there several times before) and that allows walk-ins. The lady took one look at what a desheveled mess I am and immediately yelled for the little mousy woman in the back to come help me. I saw a few women sitting around (it was obviously a slow night) that had worked on me before, and done a good job, but she picked the mousy, super-old looking one with the excessive green eye-shadow, messy hair and only wearing one shoe (God only knows...) I picked out my nail-color, and took a seat in the big massage chair. This next part is where it gets interesting. Homegirl shuffles over (she was shuffling of course because she was wearing one shoe with a 4 inch heel and nothing on the other side), picks up my foot, stares at it with disgust for what seemed like about eight minutes, then starts shaking her head and yelling (yes, actually yelling) in Korean. I can only imagine what she was saying. She clearly wasn't thrilled with the hostess for seating this filthy mess of a human being at her station. I suppose there is a chance that she was just talking loudly about the weather (while shaking her head and shaking my foot at the hostess), but it is unlikely. It's times like these that I wish I knew Korean. Just enough to say "I know what you're saying about me and it's not very nice" or even just "I'm sorry I'm gross." I know French. I know a little Spanish. I learned some Mandarin Chinese last year because with the current state of our world it seems like it may come in handy some time. I have great aspirations of learning ASL this fall even. But Korean is not a language that I typically find myself wishing I know. Until I have some crazy Korean woman shaking my foot threateningly at another woman and yelling what I can only imagine are terrible, terrible things about me.

The remainder of my appointment was rather uneventful. The woman eventually settled down and (after a great sigh, and I mean a really HUGE sigh) shook her head a little and went to work. I pretended not to be insulted. I even tried my little "kill it with kindness" approach that tends to work on around 78% of the retailers, restaurant servers, etc that I manage to offend with my very presence. I complimented her on her pretty shirt (which was dreadful, btw) and she smiled fakely in response. She did my nails, cleaned my feet up a bit, and then sent me away. It got a little dicey when I went to pay and saw the sign that said "Please do not attempt to tip with credit card." I don't EVER carry cash, so I looked apologetically at the woman and explained that I didn't know. I was fairly certain by the look on her face that she was about to lose it, but the manager stepped in front of her and explained to me that I could tip on my card if I needed to, they just ask that people try not to because then the manicurist won't get it for two weeks, until pay day. I tipped her well (about 40%) and acted like I was sorry but seriously, why shouldn't she have to wait? I always had to wait two weeks between providing a service and being paid for it at any of my jobs. And this way she is sure to pay taxes on that tip. Yeah, that'll teach her! I'm going to go now...hang my head in shame and possibly learn a little Korean.

The Finished Product. Slightly less heinous than before.


elizabeth anne repass hollida said...

okay, so i didn't realize really that you were a.) a Christian and b.) had an awesome blog!!! yay for two excellent discoveries this morning.

Jewels said...

Guilty as charged, lady!

Christian since I was young (although following a few years of "wilderness-wandering" in college, I recommitted myself to following God about 8 years ago, right before I met Chris) and the blog is new. Just a way for me to ramble incoherently about my day-to-day adventures.

Thanks for reading! I happen to enjoy reading your blog as well...some FUNNY stuff on there!